Top 10: Reasons To Stay Single
Do one-night stands and climbing the corporate ladder speak to you? Then this article has your name written all over it.
By Aaron Karo
Aaron Karo never apologizes for being single; in fact, he encourages it. As a bestselling author, nationally headlining comedian and founder of the procrastinate-at-all-costs web site Ruminations.com, Karo has been glorifying bachelorhood for more than a decade. In his third book, I’m Having More Fun Than You (out September 15th from It Books/HarperCollins), he finds himself turning 30 and surrounded by married people. What follows is an outrageous account of one man’s quest to party like a rock star, get laid with abandon and silence his critics in relationships with the rebuke: “I’m having more fun than you.” But the benefits of being a bachelor are more than meets the eye, Karo argues, as he presents his top 10 reasons to stay single.
1: Your Career Will Benefit When a guy is climbing the corporate ladder, he can’t think twice about staying late at the office or hitting the
strip club with the boss. Girlfriends demand quality time — as they should — but you won’t be able to give it to her if you want that corner office. If you ever hear that the guy in the next cubicle just got engaged, congratulations to you. You’re going to crush that poor sap while he’s out shopping for place cards.
2: You Never Need To Make Plans For Two Happiness means never having to ask permission. The benefits of having a significant other — the nurturing and sharing and all that other crap — all go out the window as soon as your buddy asks you to go to
Las Vegas and you realize you need to check with your girlfriend first. It’s not just the big trips, but the small ones that rankle most. Want to grab a quick bite or a dozen beers on a whim? Not so fast; she might have something else planned for you already. And it’s unlikely to include lap dances.
3: You’ll Be Healthier The first thing a guy does upon locking down a girlfriend or tying the knot is let himself go. There’s no need to eat right or
exercise if you’re not chasing tail. Once you sit down on the couch to watch a Hugh Grant movie with your significant other, you aren’t getting up — ever. Single guys keep themselves in peak physical condition in order to attract female attention. Hell, I’m prepared to run a marathon on the off chance I could get laid at the end.
4: Weddings Are More Fun
Marriage is a celebration of love, commitment and the opportunity to nail lonely women. I like the little program you get when you arrive for the ceremony. I immediately look for the list of bridesmaids. For single guys, this is our first taste of the menu for the evening. The marriage of a man and woman who love each other often leads to premarital sex between a man and woman who barely know each other.
5: You Can Enjoy Your Personal Space I haven’t had a roommate in six years (since I was 24). It is glorious. If you’re an absolute slob, then I guess there’s some benefit to living with your girlfriend. But if you can maintain some modicum of cleanliness, you will be ever thankful you’re single, live alone and can go to the bathroom with the door open. My refrigerator has a drawer labeled “fresh produce.” That’s where I keep the
6: You’ll Save Money Bachelors spend a lot of money on women for sure: on taking them out, on buying them the occasional gift and especially on buying enough drinks for ourselves to work up the courage to talk to them in the first place. But no one spends more than a married guy. Redoing the living room, taking trips to Ft. Lauderdale to visit her family and (gasp!) even having a kid — these are all big-ticket items I never touch. I may have
commitment problems, but at least I’m earning interest on them.
7: The Sex Is Better There are certainly benefits to sleeping with the same girl night after night: You get to know your significant other’s likes and dislikes, and she yours. And she’ll eventually make peace with you falling asleep immediately afterward. But that’s about it. For single guys, sleeping with a variety of women means you never have to picture another girl in your head while you’re doing the deed. Plus, we can also
fall asleep immediately afterward — or at least pretend to until she finally leaves.
8: You Can Watch Whatever You Want
When my DVR doesn’t record a program, I know exactly whose fault it is. It’s mine, since I’m the only one who ever touches the thing. Never underestimate the power of wielding complete control over the remote. If I want to switch every 15 seconds between SportsCenter, UFC and another previously recorded episode of SportsCenter, there’s no one to stop me. True bliss is not getting dirty looks from your girlfriend just because you want to watch a Megan Fox movie on mute.
9: You Can Spend More Time With Your Friends
Guys who are about to get married are very fond of telling their boys that “nothing is going to change; we’re still gonna hang out.” Trust me, everything changes. When guys get out of a relationship or get
divorced, the first thing they do is get the old band back together. That’s because guys need quality time with their friends. It keeps us sane and they get us drunk. For bachelors, every night is a guy’s night out.
10: You Learn What You Need From A Relationship
Being single offers one final advantage that doesn’t get talked about much. Couples deny it and single people themselves rarely realize it. But the fact is, being alone is an incredible opportunity to learn about yourself. In fact, I posit that the longer you’re single before getting married, the better off you’ll be, because only single people truly know what makes them happy. Unless you’ve spent years drinking your inhibitions away, putting yourself out there, experiencing the thrill ofone-night stands, and coping with the agony of rejection, how can you really know yourself? Playing the field is merely doing due diligence while having a blast to boot. More importantly, what fun is married life if you don’t have any high jinks to reminisce about? Waking up next to your wife every morning must be twice as reassuring after you’ve spent 10 years waking up next to chicks you have had to introduce yourself to.I’m Having More Fun Than You is available at Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.Learn more about the book at ImHavingMoreFunThanYou.com.Aaron Karo’s official web site is Ruminations.com.
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